I ordinarily bend over backwards for the people I love, sacraficing myself for their happiness. For two years I pretty much took a writing hiatus to make sure I got my GMa on her own two feet as much as someone possibly could. I felt guilty because well, honestly, because that’s how she wanted me to feel. I love her and I’m not saying she doesn’t love me, because she does in her own way. She stood up for me when no one else would. But guilt is her weapon of choice and for a long time, it was a mighty powerful weapon. She lost her husband, and while there was love there, there was also a lot of yelling and screaming. My GMa loves to fight. More than half of their arguments were because she couldn’t hear what he said and he couldn’t be bothered. Today, my GMa snapped her fingers and instead of jumping, I said no and I waited for the backlash and for the first time in two years, there was only a slight whimper. I call that major achievement until she fires up her super charged weapon and thinks of the guilt to load it with. ;)

The hiatus, although bad for my career was good for my soul. I thought I had to write a certain niche and I backed myself into a corner with it. I wasn’t writing for me. And the words just refused to come. Hmm. I wonder why. So instead of polishing the turds that I’d started and stopped and hated, I started new. The words are flowing and I feel like I’m a better writer because of it. What I hope to publish isn’t going to be exactly what you’d expect when you open your next Heather Rae Scott book, but I hope you’ll like it just the same.

Chelle has been helping me redesign my site. I’ve switched servers and am going to work on getting y’all back over here and getting my smiley’s back–if I can remember how. I want to know what y’all think of the new website. Check it out!

Too dark? Too…something? Your feedback is important.

So, it’s going to take some time, but yay, I’m back. Sort of. Chelle and I are going to work on this, but the .com is well, back. w00t! Going to bring the smiley’s back and hopefully will bring everyone who used to venture here back as well. Hope is the operative word. Just trying to come up with a theme and work on a book at the same time. Yes, the muse is back big time.

A partial is in NYC as I type this. It got there Friday according to the delivery confirmation. Can’t believe I’m semi back in the game after two years. It feels most awesomesauce.

So, yesterday, my friend Kathy sends me this short and sweet email. It said: “Your star hasn’t burned out…it’s just the shadow of doubt blocking it.” Guess what? I shoved the clouds of doubt and I finished the partial. Just waiting for my Critique partner to make sure all my t’s are crossed and my i’s are dotted and with a wing and a prayer my partial will be winging it’s way to an editor’s desk today. And what’s the most awesome about this? I love this book. I love these characters and once this baby is sent, I’m finishing the damn book. w00t!

It’s your turn. You know the drill, copy this to your notes when finished, tag me and whoever else you want.

1. My ex…. is that way for a reason. See #16

2. Maybe I should be…great like Elvis without the tassles

3. I love…..my family, friends, pooch, and sweet iced tea

4. People would say that I….should be committed and they’re probably right.

5. I don’t understand….the justice system in this area

6. When I wake up in the morning…..I hit the snooze button, wince, mumble, grumble and wonder where the hours went

7. I lost……my mind years ago

8. Life is full of….. boxes of chocolate. I sure as hell never know what I’m going to get.

9. My past taught me…..to live in the present and future and not look back. It also shaped me into who I am today. Akuna Matata!

10. I get annoyed when ……gawd, do you have three hours?

11. At a party I…..am usually the one making everyone else laugh with my laugh

12. I wish…..my star hadn’t blinked out from wishing on it so hard.

13. Dogs…mine is starting to be back to normal. Sargeants Flea and Tick is not his friend. :(

14. Cats…make me itch and sneeze, cough and wheeze

15. Tomorrow…..the house will be quiet and I can finally finish the damn partial

16. I have a low tolerance for….ignorance, arrogance and stupidity.

17. If I had a million dollars…..I’d redo this house and share it with friends who needed it. Pay off a lot of debt.

18. I’m totally terrified of…..spiders, dying before my kids are old enough to take care of themselves and the stuff in the drainer of my kitchen sink.

So, I’m talking to Blaize’s prom date so I can get her flowers situated. Around the corner carrying his brother’s bike comes Blaize. I didn’t even know he was on the bike. The last couple of days he’s been messing with a Rip Stick and Mark kept saying, “He’s going to end up in the ER.” When he looked at me, I saw his chin first and I said, “What did you do?” Got him in the house, dabbed the blood and said, “I’ll meet you in the car.” I knew he needed stitches. My awesome potatoes were in the skillet, pork chops had been marinating for hours…

All left behind because Blaizer was riding up the hill, yes, I said up and the chain popped off his brother’s bike and he rolled over top the handle bars. Mark jinxed us.

So, we get up there and are sitting there waiting because everyone in the hospital moves at the speed of snail when you’re hungry. I wasn’t stressed or anything because we’ve been here, done this and the cut wasn’t horrible or bleeding really bad. In comes this couple who I’d learn later was actually mother and son as well. The son is pushing her in a wheelchair and she’s bawling. She has a fish hook stuck in the bottom of her foot.

Triaged and back into a room, a few minutes later in comes the other mother and son. She’s not crying anymore, but she’s still not happy. Blaize is like me, he can talk to anyone. They start talking and at one point I almost peed my pants because the son is telling my son stories about things he did in the almost thirty years of his life. Like how his sister convinced him into sticking a popcorn kernel up his nose and it took them forever to get it out. Then, because I’m starving, I hit the vending machine. I see Swedish Fish in there–I LOVE Swedish Fish and bonus, they’re fat free. I walk back into the room and I ask them if they’d like a fish–not thinking that the poor woman has one in her foot…more laughter.

On and on they talked. I’m texting home, I’m sneaking out into the hall towards an office where a TV is on the wall to catch the Pens game and I hear the woman say to Blaize, “You’re not a T***” are you?” Blaize and I both looked at each other. He said that’s my step-dad’s last name. So, she asks me about some other T’s and I say no, Mark’s dad was an only child and she said, “Stush?”

Blink. blink.

They’re Mark’s cousin’s. When does THAT happen?

We listened as she had her fish hook out, then they stitched up B’s chin. 4 stitches and a splint for his hand…and we were on our way home. Yeesh.

I’m hosting an editor pitch this morning for Nocturne Bites with editor Ann Leslie Tuttle. The next online pitch we’re hosting is for Silhouette Desire with Diana Ventimiglia. That’ll happen sometime in June, if anyone out there reading this is interested in trying their hand at Desire.

I got a lot of writing done yesterday and I have to tell you it felt so good to be back in the proverbial saddle. There’s been so much chaos in my life over the last two years and I’ve felt like a failure of sorts. I wasn’t being true to myself by not writing and putting my career on hold for everyone else around me. That all changes now. I’m actually proud of myself because there were a few times yesterday when I wanted to scream, but I kept pushing. I allowed myself to write crap. This afternoon after the pitches I’m going to go back in and see what I can do with that crap and push forward. I will have chapter three done today. I will send it to my critique partners and I will start my suck-nopsis.

Yes, I will.